im sorry

im sorry that now everytime we talk its less and less exciting, less and less silly & memorable.
i dont think its called growing up but more like wer getting tired.

i used to alwaes brag about how ive got this really amazing frend.. that puts up with me and never flinches when i get angry... and alwaes lets be have my way even when it makes no sense. but the more weve thought about things and sed the things that used to be magically left unsaid, i realised... it ruins the frendship.

i guess i used to be the ignorant one in this frendship and now that waht i used to say to you or do to you wasnt very nice of me, ive changed to become a frend that deserves you. But it jst means the memories weve had wont repeat itself bcos our frendship is no longer pure.

now.. i havta think about things before i tell you.. and now i have worry whether youd be too busy to hear about my dae or even if your too busy sorting some1elses problems. i guess ive learnt to be less selfish from you, but at the same time, lost a frend i used to tell everything too :/ now we keep secrets to keep our distance and sometimes, im scared you judge me.

funny huh? we used to talk everydae and never realise what we say but still have a great time. Now, your just like any other... you may ring and i mite get tired or we'll just sit there in silence in our seperate mindsets. i dunro how to keep you away bcos youve meant soo much to me over the yrs, but im scared if we go on like this.. we'll eventually become hi bye frends. i dont have teh guts to tell you this in person bcos i know id end up in tears. i hope you never read this, or even if u find this, you wouldnt know its you. but i needed to let this out.. bcos tonite i just felt like i was distracting you from waht you really wnan achieve in life & thats just too selfish of me

when things used to be simple for me, it probably caused you much pain and time and patience.. but thankss for being that frend... but i dont think i quite deserve someone like you.

inevitable:)

my judgements prettty off but thats okay >:]

mmm~ ydae i realised that " the oldest cliches are the most powerful & are most true "

i mean, if theyre so cheese and everyone hates them, why are they being passed on for soo many generations? its bcos the ugliest things the hardest to say at teh most true.

like; if the old doesnt go, how will the new come?

inevitablly perceptions change, but wer trying to control that :)

precious

why was it easier last time to fix things up ? :/ when this time should be oh so more easier ? :/ why is it that this time i dnt wanan be wrong but last time, i knew i was right but sed i was wrong bcos we btoh really needed this :/ weirddd

aniwaesss~


well todae was oshys baptism :) im very proud of him.. but i didnt celebrate with him..

we shouldve done so much more to make it so much more speshial.. but we didnt... are we not such awseome frends or waht :/ ?

ilhim to bitsss but when i hugs him bubbies he told me that " thanks for being such an amazing frend" and my haert sunk :c bcos all these yrs we didnt talk.. we didnt experience those christian traumas in his walk together.. and he still thinks im an amazing frend....

your so precious oshy <3 and i hope we'll be BIC & SIC alwaes

im just being selfish

Growing up gets to the point where you understand when to walk away from things your frends are doing to make sure your still directing yourself down the right path.

the hsc is about support and achiev ing all our dreams, indirectly a portion of your dream is in the hands on all the people sittin around you, and so are theres in yours. rememeber to support even when others are keeping it to themselves.

some maybe academic but mostly its just emotionally.

maybe im jst bloodly blind, but theres soo mch bitching amongst our grade going on atm... i dont get it. isnt now the time when everything dies down and we bring it to the side to help each other up ? but i guess the self-centreness is really bringing us down, and showing many of the ugly sides i never wished to see.

many of us are bringing things on ourselves really just to have an accuse to break down and be sad bcos deep inside, wer all alittle scared of speeding full steam ahead in life. everything gets magnified and is just so much scarier. THe beginning of many lasts have begun amd its getting sad and tense round here...

bringing me more into jst wanting to create a space of my own. away from the school drama and even little imperfections of life long frendships outta school. but even when im in my own space, it still floats around, life long frendships becoming shallow, "secrets for my benefit", no time, no simple daes, no more jst ringing to say hi & giggles.

i dont want the : wahtchu doing, and the social civil shallow talk... i dont want the: we'll have time later to fix things up, i dont want the: im sure after all this, it'll be alright.

but hey.. thats just me being selfish.