precious

why was it easier last time to fix things up ? :/ when this time should be oh so more easier ? :/ why is it that this time i dnt wanan be wrong but last time, i knew i was right but sed i was wrong bcos we btoh really needed this :/ weirddd

aniwaesss~


well todae was oshys baptism :) im very proud of him.. but i didnt celebrate with him..

we shouldve done so much more to make it so much more speshial.. but we didnt... are we not such awseome frends or waht :/ ?

ilhim to bitsss but when i hugs him bubbies he told me that " thanks for being such an amazing frend" and my haert sunk :c bcos all these yrs we didnt talk.. we didnt experience those christian traumas in his walk together.. and he still thinks im an amazing frend....

your so precious oshy <3 and i hope we'll be BIC & SIC alwaes

im just being selfish

Growing up gets to the point where you understand when to walk away from things your frends are doing to make sure your still directing yourself down the right path.

the hsc is about support and achiev ing all our dreams, indirectly a portion of your dream is in the hands on all the people sittin around you, and so are theres in yours. rememeber to support even when others are keeping it to themselves.

some maybe academic but mostly its just emotionally.

maybe im jst bloodly blind, but theres soo mch bitching amongst our grade going on atm... i dont get it. isnt now the time when everything dies down and we bring it to the side to help each other up ? but i guess the self-centreness is really bringing us down, and showing many of the ugly sides i never wished to see.

many of us are bringing things on ourselves really just to have an accuse to break down and be sad bcos deep inside, wer all alittle scared of speeding full steam ahead in life. everything gets magnified and is just so much scarier. THe beginning of many lasts have begun amd its getting sad and tense round here...

bringing me more into jst wanting to create a space of my own. away from the school drama and even little imperfections of life long frendships outta school. but even when im in my own space, it still floats around, life long frendships becoming shallow, "secrets for my benefit", no time, no simple daes, no more jst ringing to say hi & giggles.

i dont want the : wahtchu doing, and the social civil shallow talk... i dont want the: we'll have time later to fix things up, i dont want the: im sure after all this, it'll be alright.

but hey.. thats just me being selfish.

had this picture for ages then finally realised it was the ocean (hehe)

pandabear

bymyself

maybe ive finally contronted the fact that my attendance is based on people and not waht its true should be. & if i slack off once, it feels so right to do it agen :/

bcos of yr12 ive make the change of hanging out in my room alot more and realised.. i love that im by myself bcos even if ur bored.. you can do stupid things behind the door and none of your family wil look at you like you diseased or something; but it makes me wonder, is this level of crave of personal time even healthy ?

i guess i getta find that out in the upcoming year. thought it would be hard to hangout in my room alone bcos i used to think i love being non-lonely but i obviously latter come to realise im the very oopposite. or maybe that one month we shared changed my need to depend on the entertainment from others and learn to deal with it and channel it into somethingelse. which atm, strangely is looking over work :/ weird huh?

its obviously a learning/changing stage and has come at due time bcos of teh hsc this yr and the next, the isolation would help ease me into the pattern of 'concentrating'. I honestly feel like i WANT to end up being an anti-social.. even tho i so strongly sed i don ever wanna be. But it feels so easy to do... hanging in my room, alone.. is kinda fun

my phone is a time capsule

"why did we say goodbye? bcos lightning don struck the same place twice"

i habit i have is that i keep my old fones even tho i don need them animore. just by chance i was mega bored.. and i slipped my sim card back into my samsung and lookd thru the photos and read the text messages agen. and realised, this phone is a time & memory preserver. tracked back to the times and the moment of need when i was mega bored, mou liu, or even just sick or mega sadfish and those frends and comforting words putting up with my lameness and perservering thru the pain im putting them thru with my annoyingness x)

shengque for everything. there were tears of joy and sadness in those moments but it reminded me why i kept my phones. to preserve the memories that i chose to keep of my frends and more ;)