Crazy Cycle

Dont you hate it when you know something important is near and your afraid it'll happen and your life becomes all about worrying about that one thing, but motivation gets in the way? the feeling of knowing you HAVE to do something, then find every other excuse not to do it... then waking up the next dae KNOWING its not done and the cycle does on as you count down the daes you have left ..

Even ranting doesnt help, even when many have told me to get off my butt and do it, i only get that little boost of motivation after ive been to each lesson... bcos at that moment i feel ; " YES, i can do this !" but within the next 1/2 hour, you realise it just a sense of relief to get away from it all until the next lesson..

But its not like its actually a week of sensational peace, its really just 2 days, whilst during those two daes the crazy cycle goes all over again.
Ive done this for so many years, but not once have i felt so insecure about doing it... A person said to me recently " Just practise enough for you to be able to say to your heart, youve done your best, so even if you fail, you know youve done all you can"

Wished I could, but i still feel like i cant.