tonsillitis

i guess i was lazy...

sore throat... julinas a big girl.. her body can handle it

its just a funny flu ... julina can handle it..

oh maybe she cant.

now the doctor says : " you have tonsillitis "

DAMMMNIT . :'( waaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

MUM: she has came in a couple of daes, would she be able to go ?

DOC: mmmmm, best not to.. but if she recovers before that.. then she may go

is she bloody kidding? if ur on antibiotics, DUH U WONT RECOVER IN TWO DAES. THATS WHY THEY MADE THE COURSE BLOODY 7 DAES !

aaaaaaaah. i dunro if i should even by groceries / pack tomorrow.... this is the last camp ever.. and for once? i was kinda excited ! :?(<>

i wanna buy the swimmers i saw ydae... but now.. mum said an absolute "no" bcos even IF i go to camp... i WONT be swimming.. i WONT be doing active outdoor activities..

maybe ill just draw sad faces in the sand at the beach :(

todaes the 30NOV... i hate todae :(

stalker-ishing:O

my goodness, searching for my fone for the entire morning reminded me of a quite creepy incident that happend to me last week.

but C wouldnt stop laughing at me about it , bcos he thinks it completely hilarious that im getting stalker-ed. its kinda scary.

So the story goes : we were all in a big computer lab together bcos we wer doing stuff, and we wer all kinda talking.

scenario one
C : hey J(me) you going to the afterparty at T's yeh ?
J: mmmm i dunro , dont think so... *playing with fone*
C: ohh really ? it'll be heaps fun, ppl hooking up.. getting drunk haha. lol ;) *also playing with fone*
J: hmm, yeh.. how about you K ?
K: umm, yehh, i dunro depending on P
P: im going to F's .. bcos T + F live like on the ends of the road, so we can just crash both !
D(the stalker): yehh my house is in between you guys can come crash if you like!

-no1 asked him.. where did he come from !? C shoots eye contact at J-

scenario two
-everyones just standing around the table talking-

J: C, i just realised i dont have you number after getting my fone :\
C: heres mine, and you can gimme yours?
J: why ... dont i type it in your fone...? -doesnt want D to hear-

-yeps , constant talking in between nothing speshial-

D(stalker): HEYY J ! -types number into his fone- heres mine -pushes fone towards J-
J: ummm
C: laughing in his eyecontact to J
J: i havta go... make a call :) bbl~
C: -awkward look at D, then turns away-
Scenario 3
nothing bigggie, but its like he sits infronta the comp and waits for J to go online...

the moment Js online, .... " HEY J "

Scenario 4
-happens at least... 5-7 times a school dae-
everytime i walk about to somewhere alone...
-springs outta nowhere-
D: HI *waves*

Scenario 5
D: HEY ! you going to the formal? you going with ne1?
J: hey. um yeh kinda going with everyone :)
D: ohhh i see. the formal is quite important to me..
J: umm.. its JUST the yr10 one bro
D: its the last dae ill see everyone
J: your leaving ~!?
D: oh just going overseas

-yaaaaaaaaaaaay his going overseas ! no more stalkering for the next 2-3 weeks !-

then.. sees him at skool the next week.. -wtfreak T_____________T-

Scenario 6
D: remember how you were talking to me last nite ?
J: ummm... no?
-K+C+P walk past & gives J this weird look-
-J signals "save me"-
K: he means .. when he was talking to himself

Scenario 7
-in a new maths classs-
C: -reacting the D giving J his number scene to P+S- :J, his my number
P: omgosh, doesnt he like stalk you ?
J: HOW DID YOU KNOW !?
P: you told me
J: oh :\
P+C: PLUS everyone knows ! LOL
J: wtfreakk.... :( continues with her maths hiding the shame.

Scencario 8
everytime we sit on the train, whether its express/ slow train
hed alwaes sit a couple of seats nearby or in the corner of the carriage.
just by himself looking into the crowd..

this all started with my kind side popping up one dae & deciding to make the effort to just say hi / wave at him ONCE & this results in stalkering...

NEWTHINGS :)

Lalalala~ feel like i wanna say something, not quite sure waht it is... so here goes nothing :)

New things are exciting, waiting for things are boring. But when you get that thing/event/person coming up ? your less excited. when youve got it, its nice & new and MAYBE even confusing for a while, but later? its JUST another thing youve got.

heres an example : me&a super close bro of mine were texting like nearly everydae of the christmassy / nye-y typa peirod til like heaps late every nite & it was coming close to my birfdae !

we wer super excited on boxing dae and even the dae after, listing allllll the wishes / presents / crazy things we could do together when skool started agen. but when it came close to midnight ? i was kinda disapointedly sad ? & he understood why ( hehe bcos his awsome )

when it comes to your birfdae, youd get millions of text messages, maybe heaps of presents, a nice cake.. ppl who dont talk to you will suddenly wanna be your frend, and youd be flooded with kisses & hugs ( all these things are tremendous & beautiful & awsome )

but the moment its 00:01 AM its no longer YOUR time to shine, could be anyone, BUT you ?
birfdaes are fabulous, but its just like everyone brings your hopes up into the sky and then it drops like a rollercoaster that doesnt come back up agen the next dae.

wow, i think i just made birfdae sound so sadd, but yehh :)

thats how i felt last yr. bcos on my birfdae it just felt like any other dae, & im not so sure what a birfdae is suppose to feel like animore. i dont remember xP

thingsthatareQUITETRUE8)

i dunro when it started but :

" i want you to be that nice guy, after all those fags "

"girls like fags & badboys"

"they get hurt easily too"

"girls THINK TOO MUCH"

"girls never fall for nice guys"

"nice guys, just wait. she'll come running for you, AFTER she gets hurts those 6 million times by the fags. just wait for another.. i dunro... 70 years ?" :)

"girls make sentences & quotes up to make themselves & other girls feel better"

"guys have no right in letting us know we're wrong"

:)

nextyear'sstudying

my goodness... yr11 was going to be soo ckool..

white shirts ;) senior pride ;) new subjects ;) new start ;)

but now... its just scary. everything kinda counts in some minor way. i know i shouldnt be thinking too much bcos " nothing ever counts until yr12 " but stilll. lol

like this yr.. my scedule would be :

mondae: nothing
tuesdae: nothing
wednesdae: nothing
thursdae: nothing
fridae: piano/youth
saturdae: maths in the morning / chinese / maybe band
sundae: church & lunch & cell group/dinner out

like during the week aint so bad, but next yr it'll be more tutoring, more study, more dedication ecpseshially with OHS and all.

hmm quite scary but lets see how we goooo ~ 8)

Peoplesay...

People say... you can alwaes walk away from a fight. ( too bad emotional hurtful sayings forever lingers in your head.. how could you ever run away from taht.. )

People say... only good kids get to see stars at night. ( too bad for me, im never gna see a star agen in my life )

People say... toilets are the best place to cry your eyes out ( i say... toilets without mirrors are... bcos then you dont havta see how ashamed you are of all this)

People say... your family will be there for you alwaes and alwaes love you. ( i say... not when its soo hard trying to talk to them without getting judged )

People say... frends are there to comfort you, ( frends are there to ATTEMPT to make you feel better, there are no guarentees )

People say... best frends will never judge. ( they do. even for a moment bcos its only human, then the rest? they never mention it agen so no1 will ever know theyd judged the situation in the first place )

People say... family will alwaes accept you for who you are. ( well thats not whats im feeling atm )

People say.. I love you ( trust me, its just something they say to shut you up )

whitechristmasINSEOUL!

todae, like every other dae. was no big suprise. but as the year comes to an end, everything in the present seems to blur as we backtrack the memories we inprinted in our heads thruout the year.

the sad, the happy, the spastic, the tough, the scary, the best, the sweetest ones all playing thru like a movie of just 2009 in itself.

i think it was only ydae, i wished for a white christmas... ive had one..in Japan but i was 4 & i think that its a litttttle too long ago for me to remember it clearly.

i even discussed the possibility of having a white christmas was someone :) i told him could i just go:

" hey dadddy, could you buy me a snow cloud for my present? so i could have snow of christmas? " ... but then he went.. your a noobie. and my dreams wer shattered..


(hehe only kidddddding) * i wasnt reallly shattered* but it was a good idea aye ;)

but MY WISH DID COME TRUE ~ even tho it wasnt my 11/11 11:11 wish... but it is! bcos ME IS GO SEOUL FOR WHITE CHRISTMAS BABY ~ but that means... julina spends half her birfdae at seuol... and the other half on the plane with maybe an hour in hk ...

but at least id getta spend my NYE with very speshial ppl, counting down into 2010 !

YOU&I - PARKBOM

No matter what happens

Even when the sky is falling down

I'll promise youThat I'll never let you goYou 내가 쓰러질때절대 흔들림없이강한 눈빛으로몇번이고날일으켜줘And you 나 힘에 겨울때슬픔을 벼랑 끝까지 또 아낌없이찾아와 두손 잡은 그대에게난 해준게 없는데초라한 나지만오늘 그대 위해 이노래 불러요Tonight 그대에 두눈에그 미소 뒤에 날위해 감춰왔던아픔이보여요You and I togetherIt just feels so right이별이란 말을해도그 누가 뭐라해도 난 그댈 지킬게You and I together내 두 손을 놓지마안녕이란 말은 해도내게 이 세상은 오직 너 하나기에You 많은 사람처럼우리 사랑 역시 조금씩 변하겠죠하지만 제발 슬퍼 말아요오랜 친한 친구 처럼나만을 믿을수있게 기댈수있게I promise you that I'll be right here, baby난 해준게 없는데초라한 나지만오늘 그대 위해 이노래 불러요Tonight 그대에 두눈에그 미소 뒤에 날위해 감춰왔던아픔이 보여요You and I togetherIt just feels so right이별이란 말을해도그 누가 뭐라해도 난 그댈 지킬게You and I together내 두 손을 놓지마안녕이란 말은해도내게 이 세상은 오직 너 하나기에외로운 밤이 찾아올땐나 살며시 눈을 감아요그대에 숨결이 날 안을때무엇도 두렵지 않죠이 세상 그 어떤 누구도그대를 대신 할수없죠You are the only oneAnd I'll be there for you, babyYou and I togetherIt just feels so right이별이란 말을해도그 누가 뭐라해도 난 그댈 지킬게You and I together내 두 손을 놓지마안녕이란 말은해도내게 이 세상은 오직 너 하나기에Just you and IForever and ever

teddybearcuddlesplease:C

Last night, i tried to huddle in a ball & force myself to sleep. But it was cold & very dark :(

Where were you when i needed a cuddle :( , wished you were here to just sit there and talk things thru with me.

Gna miss having you around, to just sit there. even when sometimes we sit in silence.

Teddybears dont hug back... but sometimes , theyre all youve got <3

theright-thingtodo

I did it...
I did what was right. what i knew had to be done.. but now i have a hole in my heart :(

bcos i know .. the moment he asked " is it alright were like this " ..

i wanted to say... yes. or even avoid the question all together. But i was talking to another frend at the same moment.. & i knew i couldnt let her down. Because shes the reason my immaturity in making decisions is fading. and that my decision-making skills are growing up because i can no longer just let myself go and do what my impulse drives me to do.

i needa be responsible for what i say and do... ecspeshially in situations like this.

The moment he said.. i understand.. i said : its bcos i never wanna put our frendship down , i never wanna loose what we had .

and he said.. " but i thought this would make us stronger "
i couldnt see " US " going far ahead if we changed the direction of our frendship.. so i hadta steer it back the way we were.. but now...

i think thru doing the right thing.. ive lost a really close frend. i alwaes thought in a situation like this, id be the one who got played. But hey... as i thought we wer both just neutral and got caught up in the moment? you wer in a different light...

your feelings wer in it for real.. but i was just mucking around. And now we say.. wer still frends like before for forever? i know... once forever comes out... its never gna last that long.

im so sorry for being an idiot. please never take my actions sersly... im sorry.
i shed tears for this , bcos i knew ive just lost a really good frend <3

CouldyouJustLISTEN?

Heres an extract i took from somewhere :

Titled - COULD YOU JUST LISTEN?

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why i shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my porblem, you have failed me - strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do. Just hear me.

When you do something for me thaty I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy; but when you accept as a simple fact that i do feel what I feel no matter how irrational, then I can quite trying to convince you and get down to the business of understanding it.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what is behind them. And when that is clear, the answers are obvious and i dont need advice.


So please... just listen. If you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, and I will listen to you.

wtfreak am i doing...

I dont even know what im doing animore...
I guess you get caught up in the moment.. but this shouldnt happen more than once ! wtfreak am i doing...

I know whats right, and i know whats never meant to happen, but im letting it happen bcos honestly, i dont wanna fight it.

But i know i must. because it'll never be a pretty ending. Just a sad,miserable,awkward or even angry one..

-sigh- i guess. things that mite seem right atm ? is never right, bcos it was all done thru impulse with a little hint of ignorance.

biggggggggfussssssssssssssss

aaaaaarrrrrrrrrgh. i hate it when mums make a biggggggggg fuss about nothing and talks all this crap. and in the end their bottom line IS THE FIRST LINE U SAID TO THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

you wait you wait.... then you patiently ask ; SO WHATS YOUR POINT !?
and she sits there pretending she doesnt understand english. like ASIF :@

ridiculous !

like filling in some forms... she tells you its YOUR job so you fill in you fill in.... then you leave it in her pile of stuff to sign. PLUS u ALSO mention to her : " hey mum, u needa sign this, i need it MONDAE ! "

and on the dae u need it? its STILL HERE, just unsigned !

and you like.. hmmm wtfreak... whats going on, so you ask! and shes like : OH U NEVER TOLD ME TO SIGN IT NOW.

like asifffffffffffff, you claim i never tell you anything, but i ALWAESSS put it there & mention it to you, maybe you should open ur ears and listen up for once !

needa flood you with posties or something. like ohemgee...

now this time its worse ! bcos YOU HAVTA WRITE THE FREKIN LETTER I CANT , but you tell me to write it and you sign it... bro , it doesnt work taht way ! teachers dont believe in children writing it first bcos that is where the IDEA OF FORGING ORIGINATED ! like duh ?

omgoshhh im sooooo pisssssed, but i feel stupid , bcos im pissed at nothing. bcos the crap shes been going on for the past 45 minutes IS nothing. so in OTHER WORDS, i have someone blabbing on about nothing next to me, and im pissed at nothing.

fantastic ^^

finding/seeking/looking whats another synonym ?

Dont wanna do it animore, its no longer because im used to it, or bcos im tired of it. Its because i just dont wanna do it animore. Its not even because i think its boring, i just dont wanna have anything to do with this. Nothing.

Wanna find some new thing to look forward to, maybe thats why its been so dull right now. I need that something new to look for. Hmmmm, maybe this is just me seeking after material things but i AM bored. because getting used to things gives you expectations, and when things dont happen like they used to, it just gets weird and uncomfortable. But hey, thats are BIG YELLOW SIGN saying : 'move on honey ! find something new' well, thats what im doing.... !

finding something new :)

*phew* escaped

I know this isnt the right thing to say..... but this time, i escaped at the right moment and right time.

yesterdae my piano teacher told me how strict and nasty the examiner was for my original exam and taht even the best/most confident students wer put down by her remarks. & the average kinda prepared students were marked down because she would poke at their weaknesses and concentrate the exam around that point.

she sed i wouldve shattered if i walked in... heh i guess thats so true.

so im just so glad i escaped at the right moment even tho it wasnt the (wo)MANLY thing to do :)

Somethings, Sometimes ?

Some things you havta take down /capture to appreciate it.

Some things you havta slow it right down to stretch out the enjoyment & laughter

Some things should never be taken for granted. Like nice weather, health, frends & life

All things we owe the Lord. So it should NEVER only be sometimes that we thank HIM, but

alwaes,

everymoment,

everydae. ---------------> no matter the difficulties, troubles hardships, saddness, suffering :)

thepicturesaysitALL♥

everytypa-personinmylife:)

Yay, bro your back todae ! i truely truely truely missed you my bestest homiie ! All my worries and sadness have vanished and evaporated since i saw you this morning ^^ hehe ily ♥

yeshterdae, i received an email for devotion. It was not titled, nor did it contain 3 receivers. Only me. Left me thinking, has things changed? or maybe its just me.

But i guess, devotion is suppose to be a personal thing. So even tho i was cut a little bit inside, im still relieved that im doing this. BECAUSE AT FIRST, i needed the push, needed the constant nagging to get something done, but slowly it became about who i did it with, not WHO im doing it for. So this is a wake up call for me :)

BUt, even on sundae nite. Someone told me how much they valued the company of 'the4ofus' because she has read how in your spiritual walk, there needs to be taht inner group to share ur deepest worries + spiritual experiences.

well, iloveyouguys ♥♥♥ (1 haert for yous each) and i guess, this is one particular part of my routine i wanna alwaes keep.

Todae is alwaes the original date of my piano exam... i completely forgot about it until gabs played piano in rollcall.... i felt kinda ashamed and not as relieved as i first was wen i escaped. I wanna button for me to replay my life if i didnt quit and bravely stepped into the exam, and how proud i would be to see myself walk into the exam.. but i know in reality, right here right now it wouldnt happen.

I even wanted to just sit in the room of the examiner and just feel the nerves i wouldve felt. Because no matter how nerve-racking it may be, i would feel that sense of relief in my mind because i endured it the right way. the tough way. Taking the easy way out was never right, bcos i had a goodfrend constantly remind me, but even wen i let him down in telling him taht i dropped out, he was still happy for me.

So thanks for the crazy,happy,spastic,caring,serious,rational people in my life who guide me and steer me around ^^

REDAPPLE?orFATMAN'SCHAIR?

When you get too comfortable , things fall apart.
Like a fat man on a flimzy chair. He sits, he enjoys, it falls apart faster than he expects. then he gets hurt and hasta get back up. :l

Forevers a horrible word, its so evil but beautiful. Just a wonderful idea/dream i guess.
Like Snow Whites red apple. sexy on the outside, juicy-looking, but evil and deadly on the inside. Not until you try and approach to have it, you wont know waht it can do to you.

Ive alwaes thought a routine was a task, then it seemd like something i never wanna be stuck in, bcos wen u get too comfortable in this, it gets taken away from you and you grow to be bored with it.

But another person said this : " at least a routine will keep you from straying and doing anything else " & its true. So i guess routines arent so bad, if what you are longing for now, is the right path, right thing :)

daylikeeveryother

Ever since ydae, ppl told me to suck it up and just take it the way things are.

The way things will be when you leave, so i better get used to it now right?

I told myself i could get angry at you just for one more dae, and ill forgive you tomorrow. but i found, when i crashed into you this morning, i dont wanna forgive you bcos i am still angry... but even later, i realised i was just being a kiddie.. and unreasonable and even more ignorant.

I let my little angry things take over waht i was really hiding. which is this :

" bro, ima gonna miss you like a baby misses their blanky when they grow up, or a braceface missing eating gum for the next two years. "

Even if it was just one more time we can be super close again, i want that to be our last memory as homiies spending time everydae :) not some ridiculous fight becos u wer leaving.

loveyoubro ^^