ydaeydae, ydae, todae

im glad you called to wake me in the morning... even tho i was super tired... and my voice was corse, i wanted to know how it went...

im glad you told me it was " interesting " bcos it wasnt awkward... or anything. it was straightforward... i hope.

im glad you planned it out so yous will have space.

But truthfully, knowing was kinda very painful... because felt like i didnt know if i should talk to yous about it.

ydae & ydaeydae was pretty epic.

ydaeydae
all that guitar/dj/band hero-ing, movies,KK, robert cak-ing and everything.

thanks N for all that ~ and everyone else for making it sucha speshial xmas & in K+my case , NYE aswell xP

even tho it was super painful sleeping on the floor it was fun altogether :)

ydae
waking up to a berryV felt so good... but we wer all smashed.. (H+K+I+N+A+me)

V told us off for all the right reasons, but even at the end of the dae i still felt sad. :C
buy yehh... oh wells :) bcos even bigA sed: if its all over now, then no need to be unhappy :)

todae
needa pack.. bcos i havent started.. kinda dont wanna... but i guess i alwaes feel this way before i leave. so exhausted.. dont wanna move.. still watching tv ( gong sum gai ) hehe

aniwaessssssssss. nothing to say. bubbbies :)

quickfastforward/rundown

quick fast forward, bcos i havent blogged in a while xP

grad wasnt great. but vinhhhhh + nayfun + kenken came , so i guess they made the dae alot better :)

then we had thai food with alice+ anfunny , and A+V+N+K & me went to watch " invention of lying"

yuhp yuhp fastforward...

me&anfunny wer planning to watch moovies at his place, but couldnt bcos mothers cannot comprehend that a girl & a boy in a house can just be frends/siblings...

my goodness...

ummmm fast forward agenn ...

wer doing KK ( kris kringle ) omgosh, i dont get why they dont call it CC ( CHRIS cringle ? ) like CHRIStmas? but watever lol

& hannah helped me decide i was gna do a scrapbook... and now im in a mess lost in all these fotos of " K " bcos yehh...

man sometimes i think to myself.. omgosh i feel lke a stalker.. having soo many fotos printed off of him.. hmm i wonder if the photo lady thought i was insane.. or like in love with him or something..
ehwww LOL

anyway.. i got myself into this messs so yehh...

well tomorrow is the big dae. the dae that the hsc results come out :)

how excitable... but im kinda anxious as well... in two years taht me .. heh

but more anxious bcos im worried for some odd reason they made not get the marks they deserve or hoped to get... but iloveyoubros & i pray for the best !

i want to be spammed with text in the morning or called liek crazy bcos yous have GOOD news to tell me.. but ill cry with you if anything goes wrong, bcos i promised id probably be equally devistated..

heres my rundown of my life atm... lol felt like i was jotting them down bcos im scared id forget but hey ;) my brains too important to remember little things like my past

peace & im out !

genuinelaughter(LOVEPHSHOMIIES)

i dunro if i had a good time todae or not...

at first it was all innocent.. then some EFFING PMS SHITFACE ruined it all... im still angry.. but i did mean the apology i gave to him...

bcos it was alll a misunderstanding...

jigged to strath todae... long story.. dont wanna go into details...

but the later part was good :)

not all the karaoke and being stuck in the room with ppl smoking.. and 10 guys singing their hearts out and blowing out our ear drums..

but catching the train back with S+Z+F and meet with F+SE+C

even sittin at the foodcourt at blacktown... and playing.. " stab/shoot , shag marry " with the guys.. using teachers, fellow students & ugly ppl who happened to be walking by or sitting around.

haha.. aww i love you guys.. bcos this time.. it was genuine laughter.. and for real.. we couldnt stop laughing... felt soo fuzzzy... felt like yr7 all over agen..

just some of us are leaving next yr.. some more rememberd than others...

i still havent decided if i wanan cry or smile ... if i should write a card to say goodbye? or just suck it up and pretend i dont care

but jigging todae.. will be the last memory of "us" and im truely glad we went :)

refreshing

omgoodness, according to a certain somebody i havent posted since camp xP

welllll ; camp .. was fun. lol lets keep it that way. alotta silly things happend.. things wer done very irresponsibly but thats okay. part of the atmosphere of camp :)

a couple of daes ago, i was singing... " who am i " in the shower. & i realised.. even at church.. we have trends of songs we sing

usually bcos of the tune. sometimes becos of the lyrics... but the lyrics and music get numb and boring after a while.. so we move on to new ones..

but the thing that hit me the hardest was :

everytime i sit in silent and think about those lyrics... and put my heart into praising the almighty GOD.... i cry.. on the inside and out.

" who am i , that the LORD OF ALLL THE EARTH .. will CARE TO KNOW MY NAME !? "

His sooo wonderful... but sometimes He feels like a trend... just something we do. Ive felt a while ago... the burning and urge to serve Him in everyway.. but now i honestly admit... ive lost it.

kinda tired out.

But thats hopefully gna change soon... i wanna be motivated for the RIGHT THINGS FOR THE RIGHT REASON..

but as they say: " if u dont know how it feels to be negative, youd never recongise the positive when it hits you "

so thanks to the ppl who stuck with / put up with me even when things fell super downhill lately... your the frends i dont deserve

iloveyous....

tonsillitis

i guess i was lazy...

sore throat... julinas a big girl.. her body can handle it

its just a funny flu ... julina can handle it..

oh maybe she cant.

now the doctor says : " you have tonsillitis "

DAMMMNIT . :'( waaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

MUM: she has came in a couple of daes, would she be able to go ?

DOC: mmmmm, best not to.. but if she recovers before that.. then she may go

is she bloody kidding? if ur on antibiotics, DUH U WONT RECOVER IN TWO DAES. THATS WHY THEY MADE THE COURSE BLOODY 7 DAES !

aaaaaaaah. i dunro if i should even by groceries / pack tomorrow.... this is the last camp ever.. and for once? i was kinda excited ! :?(<>

i wanna buy the swimmers i saw ydae... but now.. mum said an absolute "no" bcos even IF i go to camp... i WONT be swimming.. i WONT be doing active outdoor activities..

maybe ill just draw sad faces in the sand at the beach :(

todaes the 30NOV... i hate todae :(

stalker-ishing:O

my goodness, searching for my fone for the entire morning reminded me of a quite creepy incident that happend to me last week.

but C wouldnt stop laughing at me about it , bcos he thinks it completely hilarious that im getting stalker-ed. its kinda scary.

So the story goes : we were all in a big computer lab together bcos we wer doing stuff, and we wer all kinda talking.

scenario one
C : hey J(me) you going to the afterparty at T's yeh ?
J: mmmm i dunro , dont think so... *playing with fone*
C: ohh really ? it'll be heaps fun, ppl hooking up.. getting drunk haha. lol ;) *also playing with fone*
J: hmm, yeh.. how about you K ?
K: umm, yehh, i dunro depending on P
P: im going to F's .. bcos T + F live like on the ends of the road, so we can just crash both !
D(the stalker): yehh my house is in between you guys can come crash if you like!

-no1 asked him.. where did he come from !? C shoots eye contact at J-

scenario two
-everyones just standing around the table talking-

J: C, i just realised i dont have you number after getting my fone :\
C: heres mine, and you can gimme yours?
J: why ... dont i type it in your fone...? -doesnt want D to hear-

-yeps , constant talking in between nothing speshial-

D(stalker): HEYY J ! -types number into his fone- heres mine -pushes fone towards J-
J: ummm
C: laughing in his eyecontact to J
J: i havta go... make a call :) bbl~
C: -awkward look at D, then turns away-
Scenario 3
nothing bigggie, but its like he sits infronta the comp and waits for J to go online...

the moment Js online, .... " HEY J "

Scenario 4
-happens at least... 5-7 times a school dae-
everytime i walk about to somewhere alone...
-springs outta nowhere-
D: HI *waves*

Scenario 5
D: HEY ! you going to the formal? you going with ne1?
J: hey. um yeh kinda going with everyone :)
D: ohhh i see. the formal is quite important to me..
J: umm.. its JUST the yr10 one bro
D: its the last dae ill see everyone
J: your leaving ~!?
D: oh just going overseas

-yaaaaaaaaaaaay his going overseas ! no more stalkering for the next 2-3 weeks !-

then.. sees him at skool the next week.. -wtfreak T_____________T-

Scenario 6
D: remember how you were talking to me last nite ?
J: ummm... no?
-K+C+P walk past & gives J this weird look-
-J signals "save me"-
K: he means .. when he was talking to himself

Scenario 7
-in a new maths classs-
C: -reacting the D giving J his number scene to P+S- :J, his my number
P: omgosh, doesnt he like stalk you ?
J: HOW DID YOU KNOW !?
P: you told me
J: oh :\
P+C: PLUS everyone knows ! LOL
J: wtfreakk.... :( continues with her maths hiding the shame.

Scencario 8
everytime we sit on the train, whether its express/ slow train
hed alwaes sit a couple of seats nearby or in the corner of the carriage.
just by himself looking into the crowd..

this all started with my kind side popping up one dae & deciding to make the effort to just say hi / wave at him ONCE & this results in stalkering...

NEWTHINGS :)

Lalalala~ feel like i wanna say something, not quite sure waht it is... so here goes nothing :)

New things are exciting, waiting for things are boring. But when you get that thing/event/person coming up ? your less excited. when youve got it, its nice & new and MAYBE even confusing for a while, but later? its JUST another thing youve got.

heres an example : me&a super close bro of mine were texting like nearly everydae of the christmassy / nye-y typa peirod til like heaps late every nite & it was coming close to my birfdae !

we wer super excited on boxing dae and even the dae after, listing allllll the wishes / presents / crazy things we could do together when skool started agen. but when it came close to midnight ? i was kinda disapointedly sad ? & he understood why ( hehe bcos his awsome )

when it comes to your birfdae, youd get millions of text messages, maybe heaps of presents, a nice cake.. ppl who dont talk to you will suddenly wanna be your frend, and youd be flooded with kisses & hugs ( all these things are tremendous & beautiful & awsome )

but the moment its 00:01 AM its no longer YOUR time to shine, could be anyone, BUT you ?
birfdaes are fabulous, but its just like everyone brings your hopes up into the sky and then it drops like a rollercoaster that doesnt come back up agen the next dae.

wow, i think i just made birfdae sound so sadd, but yehh :)

thats how i felt last yr. bcos on my birfdae it just felt like any other dae, & im not so sure what a birfdae is suppose to feel like animore. i dont remember xP

thingsthatareQUITETRUE8)

i dunro when it started but :

" i want you to be that nice guy, after all those fags "

"girls like fags & badboys"

"they get hurt easily too"

"girls THINK TOO MUCH"

"girls never fall for nice guys"

"nice guys, just wait. she'll come running for you, AFTER she gets hurts those 6 million times by the fags. just wait for another.. i dunro... 70 years ?" :)

"girls make sentences & quotes up to make themselves & other girls feel better"

"guys have no right in letting us know we're wrong"

:)

nextyear'sstudying

my goodness... yr11 was going to be soo ckool..

white shirts ;) senior pride ;) new subjects ;) new start ;)

but now... its just scary. everything kinda counts in some minor way. i know i shouldnt be thinking too much bcos " nothing ever counts until yr12 " but stilll. lol

like this yr.. my scedule would be :

mondae: nothing
tuesdae: nothing
wednesdae: nothing
thursdae: nothing
fridae: piano/youth
saturdae: maths in the morning / chinese / maybe band
sundae: church & lunch & cell group/dinner out

like during the week aint so bad, but next yr it'll be more tutoring, more study, more dedication ecpseshially with OHS and all.

hmm quite scary but lets see how we goooo ~ 8)

Peoplesay...

People say... you can alwaes walk away from a fight. ( too bad emotional hurtful sayings forever lingers in your head.. how could you ever run away from taht.. )

People say... only good kids get to see stars at night. ( too bad for me, im never gna see a star agen in my life )

People say... toilets are the best place to cry your eyes out ( i say... toilets without mirrors are... bcos then you dont havta see how ashamed you are of all this)

People say... your family will be there for you alwaes and alwaes love you. ( i say... not when its soo hard trying to talk to them without getting judged )

People say... frends are there to comfort you, ( frends are there to ATTEMPT to make you feel better, there are no guarentees )

People say... best frends will never judge. ( they do. even for a moment bcos its only human, then the rest? they never mention it agen so no1 will ever know theyd judged the situation in the first place )

People say... family will alwaes accept you for who you are. ( well thats not whats im feeling atm )

People say.. I love you ( trust me, its just something they say to shut you up )

whitechristmasINSEOUL!

todae, like every other dae. was no big suprise. but as the year comes to an end, everything in the present seems to blur as we backtrack the memories we inprinted in our heads thruout the year.

the sad, the happy, the spastic, the tough, the scary, the best, the sweetest ones all playing thru like a movie of just 2009 in itself.

i think it was only ydae, i wished for a white christmas... ive had one..in Japan but i was 4 & i think that its a litttttle too long ago for me to remember it clearly.

i even discussed the possibility of having a white christmas was someone :) i told him could i just go:

" hey dadddy, could you buy me a snow cloud for my present? so i could have snow of christmas? " ... but then he went.. your a noobie. and my dreams wer shattered..


(hehe only kidddddding) * i wasnt reallly shattered* but it was a good idea aye ;)

but MY WISH DID COME TRUE ~ even tho it wasnt my 11/11 11:11 wish... but it is! bcos ME IS GO SEOUL FOR WHITE CHRISTMAS BABY ~ but that means... julina spends half her birfdae at seuol... and the other half on the plane with maybe an hour in hk ...

but at least id getta spend my NYE with very speshial ppl, counting down into 2010 !

YOU&I - PARKBOM

No matter what happens

Even when the sky is falling down

I'll promise youThat I'll never let you goYou 내가 쓰러질때절대 흔들림없이강한 눈빛으로몇번이고날일으켜줘And you 나 힘에 겨울때슬픔을 벼랑 끝까지 또 아낌없이찾아와 두손 잡은 그대에게난 해준게 없는데초라한 나지만오늘 그대 위해 이노래 불러요Tonight 그대에 두눈에그 미소 뒤에 날위해 감춰왔던아픔이보여요You and I togetherIt just feels so right이별이란 말을해도그 누가 뭐라해도 난 그댈 지킬게You and I together내 두 손을 놓지마안녕이란 말은 해도내게 이 세상은 오직 너 하나기에You 많은 사람처럼우리 사랑 역시 조금씩 변하겠죠하지만 제발 슬퍼 말아요오랜 친한 친구 처럼나만을 믿을수있게 기댈수있게I promise you that I'll be right here, baby난 해준게 없는데초라한 나지만오늘 그대 위해 이노래 불러요Tonight 그대에 두눈에그 미소 뒤에 날위해 감춰왔던아픔이 보여요You and I togetherIt just feels so right이별이란 말을해도그 누가 뭐라해도 난 그댈 지킬게You and I together내 두 손을 놓지마안녕이란 말은해도내게 이 세상은 오직 너 하나기에외로운 밤이 찾아올땐나 살며시 눈을 감아요그대에 숨결이 날 안을때무엇도 두렵지 않죠이 세상 그 어떤 누구도그대를 대신 할수없죠You are the only oneAnd I'll be there for you, babyYou and I togetherIt just feels so right이별이란 말을해도그 누가 뭐라해도 난 그댈 지킬게You and I together내 두 손을 놓지마안녕이란 말은해도내게 이 세상은 오직 너 하나기에Just you and IForever and ever

teddybearcuddlesplease:C

Last night, i tried to huddle in a ball & force myself to sleep. But it was cold & very dark :(

Where were you when i needed a cuddle :( , wished you were here to just sit there and talk things thru with me.

Gna miss having you around, to just sit there. even when sometimes we sit in silence.

Teddybears dont hug back... but sometimes , theyre all youve got <3

theright-thingtodo

I did it...
I did what was right. what i knew had to be done.. but now i have a hole in my heart :(

bcos i know .. the moment he asked " is it alright were like this " ..

i wanted to say... yes. or even avoid the question all together. But i was talking to another frend at the same moment.. & i knew i couldnt let her down. Because shes the reason my immaturity in making decisions is fading. and that my decision-making skills are growing up because i can no longer just let myself go and do what my impulse drives me to do.

i needa be responsible for what i say and do... ecspeshially in situations like this.

The moment he said.. i understand.. i said : its bcos i never wanna put our frendship down , i never wanna loose what we had .

and he said.. " but i thought this would make us stronger "
i couldnt see " US " going far ahead if we changed the direction of our frendship.. so i hadta steer it back the way we were.. but now...

i think thru doing the right thing.. ive lost a really close frend. i alwaes thought in a situation like this, id be the one who got played. But hey... as i thought we wer both just neutral and got caught up in the moment? you wer in a different light...

your feelings wer in it for real.. but i was just mucking around. And now we say.. wer still frends like before for forever? i know... once forever comes out... its never gna last that long.

im so sorry for being an idiot. please never take my actions sersly... im sorry.
i shed tears for this , bcos i knew ive just lost a really good frend <3

CouldyouJustLISTEN?

Heres an extract i took from somewhere :

Titled - COULD YOU JUST LISTEN?

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why i shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my porblem, you have failed me - strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do. Just hear me.

When you do something for me thaty I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy; but when you accept as a simple fact that i do feel what I feel no matter how irrational, then I can quite trying to convince you and get down to the business of understanding it.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what is behind them. And when that is clear, the answers are obvious and i dont need advice.


So please... just listen. If you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, and I will listen to you.

wtfreak am i doing...

I dont even know what im doing animore...
I guess you get caught up in the moment.. but this shouldnt happen more than once ! wtfreak am i doing...

I know whats right, and i know whats never meant to happen, but im letting it happen bcos honestly, i dont wanna fight it.

But i know i must. because it'll never be a pretty ending. Just a sad,miserable,awkward or even angry one..

-sigh- i guess. things that mite seem right atm ? is never right, bcos it was all done thru impulse with a little hint of ignorance.

biggggggggfussssssssssssssss

aaaaaarrrrrrrrrgh. i hate it when mums make a biggggggggg fuss about nothing and talks all this crap. and in the end their bottom line IS THE FIRST LINE U SAID TO THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

you wait you wait.... then you patiently ask ; SO WHATS YOUR POINT !?
and she sits there pretending she doesnt understand english. like ASIF :@

ridiculous !

like filling in some forms... she tells you its YOUR job so you fill in you fill in.... then you leave it in her pile of stuff to sign. PLUS u ALSO mention to her : " hey mum, u needa sign this, i need it MONDAE ! "

and on the dae u need it? its STILL HERE, just unsigned !

and you like.. hmmm wtfreak... whats going on, so you ask! and shes like : OH U NEVER TOLD ME TO SIGN IT NOW.

like asifffffffffffff, you claim i never tell you anything, but i ALWAESSS put it there & mention it to you, maybe you should open ur ears and listen up for once !

needa flood you with posties or something. like ohemgee...

now this time its worse ! bcos YOU HAVTA WRITE THE FREKIN LETTER I CANT , but you tell me to write it and you sign it... bro , it doesnt work taht way ! teachers dont believe in children writing it first bcos that is where the IDEA OF FORGING ORIGINATED ! like duh ?

omgoshhh im sooooo pisssssed, but i feel stupid , bcos im pissed at nothing. bcos the crap shes been going on for the past 45 minutes IS nothing. so in OTHER WORDS, i have someone blabbing on about nothing next to me, and im pissed at nothing.

fantastic ^^

finding/seeking/looking whats another synonym ?

Dont wanna do it animore, its no longer because im used to it, or bcos im tired of it. Its because i just dont wanna do it animore. Its not even because i think its boring, i just dont wanna have anything to do with this. Nothing.

Wanna find some new thing to look forward to, maybe thats why its been so dull right now. I need that something new to look for. Hmmmm, maybe this is just me seeking after material things but i AM bored. because getting used to things gives you expectations, and when things dont happen like they used to, it just gets weird and uncomfortable. But hey, thats are BIG YELLOW SIGN saying : 'move on honey ! find something new' well, thats what im doing.... !

finding something new :)

*phew* escaped

I know this isnt the right thing to say..... but this time, i escaped at the right moment and right time.

yesterdae my piano teacher told me how strict and nasty the examiner was for my original exam and taht even the best/most confident students wer put down by her remarks. & the average kinda prepared students were marked down because she would poke at their weaknesses and concentrate the exam around that point.

she sed i wouldve shattered if i walked in... heh i guess thats so true.

so im just so glad i escaped at the right moment even tho it wasnt the (wo)MANLY thing to do :)

Somethings, Sometimes ?

Some things you havta take down /capture to appreciate it.

Some things you havta slow it right down to stretch out the enjoyment & laughter

Some things should never be taken for granted. Like nice weather, health, frends & life

All things we owe the Lord. So it should NEVER only be sometimes that we thank HIM, but

alwaes,

everymoment,

everydae. ---------------> no matter the difficulties, troubles hardships, saddness, suffering :)

thepicturesaysitALL♥

everytypa-personinmylife:)

Yay, bro your back todae ! i truely truely truely missed you my bestest homiie ! All my worries and sadness have vanished and evaporated since i saw you this morning ^^ hehe ily ♥

yeshterdae, i received an email for devotion. It was not titled, nor did it contain 3 receivers. Only me. Left me thinking, has things changed? or maybe its just me.

But i guess, devotion is suppose to be a personal thing. So even tho i was cut a little bit inside, im still relieved that im doing this. BECAUSE AT FIRST, i needed the push, needed the constant nagging to get something done, but slowly it became about who i did it with, not WHO im doing it for. So this is a wake up call for me :)

BUt, even on sundae nite. Someone told me how much they valued the company of 'the4ofus' because she has read how in your spiritual walk, there needs to be taht inner group to share ur deepest worries + spiritual experiences.

well, iloveyouguys ♥♥♥ (1 haert for yous each) and i guess, this is one particular part of my routine i wanna alwaes keep.

Todae is alwaes the original date of my piano exam... i completely forgot about it until gabs played piano in rollcall.... i felt kinda ashamed and not as relieved as i first was wen i escaped. I wanna button for me to replay my life if i didnt quit and bravely stepped into the exam, and how proud i would be to see myself walk into the exam.. but i know in reality, right here right now it wouldnt happen.

I even wanted to just sit in the room of the examiner and just feel the nerves i wouldve felt. Because no matter how nerve-racking it may be, i would feel that sense of relief in my mind because i endured it the right way. the tough way. Taking the easy way out was never right, bcos i had a goodfrend constantly remind me, but even wen i let him down in telling him taht i dropped out, he was still happy for me.

So thanks for the crazy,happy,spastic,caring,serious,rational people in my life who guide me and steer me around ^^

REDAPPLE?orFATMAN'SCHAIR?

When you get too comfortable , things fall apart.
Like a fat man on a flimzy chair. He sits, he enjoys, it falls apart faster than he expects. then he gets hurt and hasta get back up. :l

Forevers a horrible word, its so evil but beautiful. Just a wonderful idea/dream i guess.
Like Snow Whites red apple. sexy on the outside, juicy-looking, but evil and deadly on the inside. Not until you try and approach to have it, you wont know waht it can do to you.

Ive alwaes thought a routine was a task, then it seemd like something i never wanna be stuck in, bcos wen u get too comfortable in this, it gets taken away from you and you grow to be bored with it.

But another person said this : " at least a routine will keep you from straying and doing anything else " & its true. So i guess routines arent so bad, if what you are longing for now, is the right path, right thing :)

daylikeeveryother

Ever since ydae, ppl told me to suck it up and just take it the way things are.

The way things will be when you leave, so i better get used to it now right?

I told myself i could get angry at you just for one more dae, and ill forgive you tomorrow. but i found, when i crashed into you this morning, i dont wanna forgive you bcos i am still angry... but even later, i realised i was just being a kiddie.. and unreasonable and even more ignorant.

I let my little angry things take over waht i was really hiding. which is this :

" bro, ima gonna miss you like a baby misses their blanky when they grow up, or a braceface missing eating gum for the next two years. "

Even if it was just one more time we can be super close again, i want that to be our last memory as homiies spending time everydae :) not some ridiculous fight becos u wer leaving.

loveyoubro ^^

YOURtheonewhosaid,

Your the one who said, life would suck if we grew apart...

Your the one who said, life would suck if we never talked agen.

Your the one who said, you couldnt live without us so youd never leave.

Well, im truely disapointed. All youve ever told me was BS, bcos when things truely stood hard and cold in your life? you bailed on us.

Todae i learnt what " jowahaeyo" meant. And bcos of you, i know that everytime it comes out of your mouth, it'll just be meaningless blabble to me.

So no. I take "jowahaeyo" back..

Song lyrics say the word we cannot say. Listen to " Driving Myself Insane - Frankie J "

Because thats what our frendship was before all this happend...

DutyORHappiness

Some things make you feel truely blessed. frends family love

But some things you take on as a duty. to love to share to care. I say to myself i love doing this, its no longer a duty. & i still believe in such an idea. But it left me thinking :

Am i doing this to seek approval? or am i truely whole-heartly doing it to help & include others? Is it really a hidden duty or is it something i do to please myself and ease myself from guilt?

But i found, at the beginning i did do it to please others but as it grew on me, i found the happiness that i get from knowing this person's life has been brightened by my efforts because of Gods guidance, and how even if it was just a glimpse, they COULDVE seen a touch of my heavenly Father thru me ? made my heart leap.

Its a happiness that can NEVER EVER EVER BE REPLACED. i dunro how to explain it ><>

ive found my place to serve for now, and i hope when im ready, God will load more onto my back to glorify His Name.

I Love You Lord<3

shadow is to black&white as reflections are to PLASMALCDTVs

Todae i learnt shadows are more prehistoric than reflections

becauuuuuuuuuuuuuse

just like black & white tv, shadows are black & white whilst reflections are colourful and shape with much detail sucha as a plasma LCD tv! 8)

singyourselftosleep

You know the times when yours soo drain, you just wanna shut yourself out from the world and be still.

listen to the wind, sing yourself a lullaby and put yourself to sleep.

speaksforitself

tired but still beautiful (twentyfive-ten-twothousand&nine)

-------------------------ohemgee. im tired.

just tired to the point i cannot feel my left arm at all. completely serious no joke.
but it was all for a good cause :) for A+R wedding todae.

aniwaes, was sleeping in the car ydae, and realised you can see yourself in the side review mirrors ! :O

then

i looked at some other photos todae and found, the habours amazing at night when all the sky-scrapers were lit up ? combined the two ideas, i found this foto:D (please starrrreeee below xp)

<--- pretty aye ( tehee )

P.S. i finally understood why they called it a sky-scraper. bcos they are soooooo talll, they scrape the sky ! like omgosh, tahts genius 8) whoever came up with taht xp

ilovephoto-graphy!

This is like a perfect picture. Perfect moment :) The baalueskie with white clouds and an outline of the ferris wheel :)

There is sucha thing as perfection <3

wannadrink? tehee

Aww i dunro if this move, but its really pretty. :) wanted to brighten up my dae when things seems to have darkened.

bro,YOURmygiftfromHEAVEN

Todae, felt like a fresh/rocky/exciting start. Sometimes you have those frends you see, dont reallly say hi to but you acknowledge their exsistance? Some have a hidden deeper friendship that are not nessasarily shown on the surface. But sometimes...

I forget we were close.

because honestly even tho we are frends on the surface its nothing comparable to what we have underneath. But when we have those deep conversations, and when you text me to ask me hows things are going, or when you call me as soon as im out of your sight to ask why my smile was upside down? It really feels good. really warm and touching and the connection between us really does buzz again.

I felt it todae. Im so happy wer frends, because even when you said over the fone ' your my gift from heaven ' ive been meaning to say it back to you too bro. No matter how sugarcoated your words are to everyone, im glad i noe the real you. because underneath that smiling face, you really are genuine not some fake thats trying to please everyone. :)

But i must say, the last time i got reminded was too long ago to remember. I almost convinced myself wer not even frends animore. But here you are patting me on the shoulder and just being there for me. People say, : ' friends can just be there and sit there and say nothing. but their existance automatically makes you feel better. ' But no. Only true friends make you feel like taht inside. Doesnt matter how many hundred facebook buddies you have in your account. Can you say at least ONE HUNDRED of them can just sit by you say nothing yet make you feel better? Probably not. But if you can say yes, im happy for you because you have been blessed with many true friends. <3

worth how much?

• A smile is priceless ( not worth-less but worth-everything )
• A picture paints a thousand words
  
  I remember Adam saying in yr7 : Miss, if a picture was worth a thousand words? could we just draw you a picture? and you could see Miss really wanting to say yes, because she was so touched by the words of a little yr7 boy. Haha. we were so cute back then.
  
  But a smile/laugh is worthless because just one effortless smile can make someones dae. My aim is to hopefully make someones day everyday, because it proves i have a purpose in life :) and a meaning for God to have places me here. <3

YOUrflawlesstoME

My haert still skips a beat when your on, happy to talk to you even after all we've been thru. I still notice your display name change and the little notices you post out, pretending it was ever about me. Sometimes i trick myself into thinking we still have something in common, even believing sometimes your posts are hidden responses to mine.

Sometimes i slap myself in the head because i know i should know better, but lately, after knowing i'll never see you everydae again... i wished i treaused every moment of our years.. because its NOW that i realised, even if we were never close, id still get to see you and be with you everyday.

When I had you, it was hard to believe because you seemed so perfect and so admirable but as time passed, i even believed i deserved you. How silly am I.. because i definately didnt. I thought after it all, you hated me. but even when i look back now, i still dunro why we fell out of love, because there was not even a moment i hated you. I hated myself for being so ignorant and so relunctant to show you my true feelings because in a way, i was scared i was just being played.

I still notice everything about you, but then i believed that was just me holding onto my past and loving who i thought was you, but not until now, i realised you notice me too. Because when we talk, you arent outdated by what happens around me, we still talked asif we never fell apart. You still talk to the people around me, but everytime i see you in person, i feel your cold-shoulder. My brain tells me its over because how could someone act so differently all the time, but my heart still lies to me. My heart still loves you and my heart still longs for you to tell me you love me too.

But now, while loving you, i think of someoneelse. Because im moving on, well... so it seems. Todae, unexpectly i overheard a quote: " When you love some1 you overlook all their flaws no matter what they are. " The person i claim to be thinking of now? im digging up his flaws, so i guess i still havent relearnt how to love yet. Because suprisingly when i heard this, my heart thought of you... because no matter how many flaws ppl dig up to describe you, i can only concentrate on all the good things youve done for me. <3

Dear Lord, I Love You

Id like to believe bonds never crumble. Id like to believe theres alwaes a silver light taht leads you to "forever" but it only took me 15 years to realise theres no such thing. Not in human terms aniwaes:

They say " Friendships will fade, relationships will shatter, but the Lord is alwaes with you. "

Lord, Please gimme strength to make the right decisions. Because i know the decisions i make now are ignorant and sometimes silly/stupid. but they are the best i could come up with now. Please make me more wise and more like You. I Love You Lord, please constantly remind me of You, and how Your alwaes by my side.

How I am so undeserving, but You died for me... I Love You & the people you have placed around me in the short life you have granted me on this earth..

As in Your Words the bible you said : there is ONE earth, but MANY heavens.



Thankyou.

Crazy Cycle

Dont you hate it when you know something important is near and your afraid it'll happen and your life becomes all about worrying about that one thing, but motivation gets in the way? the feeling of knowing you HAVE to do something, then find every other excuse not to do it... then waking up the next dae KNOWING its not done and the cycle does on as you count down the daes you have left ..

Even ranting doesnt help, even when many have told me to get off my butt and do it, i only get that little boost of motivation after ive been to each lesson... bcos at that moment i feel ; " YES, i can do this !" but within the next 1/2 hour, you realise it just a sense of relief to get away from it all until the next lesson..

But its not like its actually a week of sensational peace, its really just 2 days, whilst during those two daes the crazy cycle goes all over again.
Ive done this for so many years, but not once have i felt so insecure about doing it... A person said to me recently " Just practise enough for you to be able to say to your heart, youve done your best, so even if you fail, you know youve done all you can"

Wished I could, but i still feel like i cant.

moment i n history ♥

Havent blogged since yearsix :X but lately, ive decided events/moments/stuff should be noted down for keepsafe before things in the memorybox wear out. So here goes nothing! My first offical blog that counts :)

exactly todae, right here right now.

Back-tracking to ydae,

A promise is a promise, and pinky promises are extra-hard to keep because they are extra speshial too. Ydae was Day1 for a pinky promise im trying to keep to a certain someone because its something i said id do for 1 month. (hopefully if im capable, id carry it on )

Ive alwaes said id try and do it, but never really took it to haert because it just seemed so easy to fail, so easy to find excuses. But because of a very moving/motivational talk last nite from certain people, and a certain someone told me his aim in life, the goal he carries everywhere will him, I, personally found a new kind of respect for him as a frend and even tho he might'nt know, his a new rolemodel to me.

My excuses were from the doubt ive had. The 'fake/non-actionable' promises i had to carry on, but the way he said : " I know you can do it, because your the one frend i noe taht could carry it on " made me tear inside. Because after he said it, i found myself thinking : how could I let him down, how could i possibily be sucha bad frend.

So heres this to you, you know who you are :) to a frend, to a new rolemodel :) <3>